I was woken up by the alarm clock in my simple rental house. I was lying on the bed. The moment I opened my eyes, I didn’t want to think about anything, but I just tossed and turned and couldn’t fall asleep. I sat up and skillfully I stretched my hand toward the table and grabbed it, but I found an empty cigarette box. I took out the piece of film outside the empty cigarette box, folded it into a small paper crane, and put it in the drawer.
There are so many paper cranes inside that I can’t count them. Gu Wei taught me how to fold them in this rental house when we lived in Shanghai. She said, if you encounter If you encounter something sad, fold a paper crane and complain about it to yourself, which can relieve your mood.
I picked up an unopened cigarette box, tore open the transparent film, took out a cigarette, lit it and took a puff. The habit of getting up early to smoke seemed to have been imprinted on my life, and I couldn’t go. Changing it, it allows me to clear my mind and not think about anything.
I picked up the watch on the table. This watch was given to me by Gu Wei. I recalled that day, my birthday, when she happily gave me a gift box full of surprises. It was that watch. They only knew that the watch was given to me by Gu Wei, but they didn't know that it was actually a custom-made couple's watch, and there was also a mother-child watch in Gu Wei's place.
I turned the watch over, and my name was engraved on the back, along with a short message: Xiangyang, I love you.
But it was just five words, and my eyes were moist. I put out the unfinished cigarette in the ashtray, put down the watch, raised my head, and tried hard to hold back. The tears only stay in my eyes, and I don't let them stay. This is my last stubbornness as a man.
I sighed, as if the world was so ruthless and playing tricks on me, and said to myself: "Gu Wei, when will you come back."
Me I know this is nonsense, but it would be nice if it could ease my grief.
·······
After I finished washing, I made a simple breakfast, and then hurried to the company. Time waited for no one, and the company was early There must be no omissions when I clocked in. I clocked in before 8:30 and entered the company. I felt a little bit lucky in my heart. I was racing against time to get this month's perfect attendance bonus.
I sat in my office and opened the news out of boredom. Yu Qing came over from the manager’s office with a few stacks of documents in his hand. He must have just finished the meeting. Sitting in the office next to me, I complained, "I'm so damn tired."
I was secretly happy. I didn't expect that even Yu Qing, who had such a strong working ability, would say he was tired. When I was there, I asked: "What kind of meeting did you have that would make you so tired as a company model worker?"
Yu Qing rubbed his shoulders and said listlessly: "They are all irrelevant. topic, they were so stunned that they wanted to argue non-stop about one issue, and I admired them all."
I took out a cigarette from the cigarette case. I wanted to smoke it, but as if I thought of something, I held it between my fingers, stood it up, and kept tapping it on the table.
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“Yu Qing, does the dinner you mentioned yesterday still count today? ”
I was short of money, so I gave all my salary to Chu Yue. Being penniless, I could only tighten my belt and get by. I comforted myself by saying that if I had to endure it for a few more days, at the beginning of the month , the salary is paid.
Yu Qing nodded, then took out his phone and looked at something.
"Xiang Yang, let's go to Xinshang Restaurant for dinner tonight. "
I nodded. Although he didn't talk about the key points I wanted to bring up, I still listened patiently and then said, "Then what news did you want to tell me yesterday? "
Yu Qing seemed to be addicted to his mobile phone. He was typing codes quickly with his fingers and replied casually: "We will tell when the time comes. It is too early to tell now. "
I made a sound of disdain and complained in my heart: Your uncle, you dare to hide it from me, I will make you pay something.
So I set my sights I met Li Ping, who was working in the same job as me. I put the cigarette above my ear, then left the place, and then came to Li Ping's place in the name of waiting for coffee. I glanced at Yu Qing from time to time. His eyes are very "sharp", and he usually exposes me when I want to do something harmful. This time, I will take advantage of him to let down his guard, and I will definitely trick him hard.
"Xiang Yang, come here. What am I doing? I seem to remember that there is nothing we need to learn from or discuss about your mission. "
Li Ping sat in his seat, took a sip of coffee, and then looked at me blankly.
I thought for a while and said: "It's okay, I just came to see you. How is the task completed? Has the progress bar exceeded me so that I can set a goal in my mind that I need to catch up with? "
He looked at me in disbelief, and then said with a smile: "It feels like this is an obvious violation when it comes from a person like you who is not enterprising. Everyone knows that you are the first person who clocks in and never misses work, but is the first person to mess up at work.
I let out a sigh, "How can you evaluate me like this? People have good and bad sides, but you can't see my good side." "
"Oh, come on, stop bragging here, tell me if you have something to say, and fart if you have anything to say. It's a bit uncomfortable for you to hold me here. "
I chuckled, leaned down to his ear, and whispered: "Do you want a set of SSR-level gaming equipment? ”
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Li Ping stopped typing on the keyboard and pondered for a long time. I know that Li Ping has two other things besides work. He has two hobbies and interests. One is his love for cars. He has been in the company for three years, but his life is a bit tight. In these three years, he hasWith the money he saved, he bought a black Audi A4L, which he took great care of. In addition, he also likes to play games and collect game equipment. I used this to fish, and sure enough, I took the bait. Happy, I thought: "Yu Qing, you are done."
I continued: "Five hundred yuan, just five hundred, I will give you a set of top-notch SSR equipment. This equipment is in other games." You can sell it at a Sky-high price in the market, so you’ve made a profit.”
“You do what you say, don’t lie to me.”
I nodded, as if slapping. As if he had received a guaranteed ticket, he took out five one-hundred-dollar bills from his pocket and handed them to me. I stuffed the five hundred yuan into my pocket, triumphantly took off the cigarette from my ear, then lit it and pointed towards it. He walked towards the smoking room and said, "Go to Yu Qing, he has the SSR equipment."
Not far away, Yu Qing, who was still typing with his head down, suddenly raised his head, looking a little stunned. After being stunned for a while, he cursed: "Yan Xiangyang, you bastard, you are trying to get my equipment, what the fuck...forget it, Li Ping, come here, I will send it to you."
... He said he would come after finishing the project, but I held my watch and waited for him for fifteen minutes. As soon as he took a step out of the company door, I pulled him towards the road.
A white Audi A6 had been parked there for a long time. The passenger window was slowly lowered. Cheng Cheng, who was in the driver's seat, said with a smile: "Xiang Yang, my sister misses you so much. Come on. "Take the passenger seat."
I declined and let Yu Qing sit in the passenger seat while I sat in the back seat. We went straight to Lujiazui. Cheng Cheng found a parking space and parked, and we got off. Car, the dusk in Shanghai does not last long, and turns into night in less than a moment. But it is because of the night that the three high-rise buildings in Lujiazui attract attention.
I walked into this favorite restaurant with them, an unmarried couple who was about to tie the knot. I found a seat by the window and ordered the dishes. Then I began to think about why this place is called "Xinxin". How about going to the restaurant? Is it because it is romantic to bring your sweetheart to this restaurant for dinner, so this is called the Sweetheart Restaurant? Then wouldn’t I become a light bulb for Yu Qing and Cheng Cheng?
Cheng Cheng looked at Yu Qing, and Yu Qing looked at Cheng Cheng. The two looked at each other and hesitated to speak. I felt that this dinner was very strange, as if there was some huge conspiracy or something. A trap awaits me.
When the food came, I couldn’t wait to pick it up and put it in my mouth to chew. On the other hand, the two of them hadn’t moved their chopsticks yet. I felt uneasy. Since everyone was silent, why not let me start this? Get ahead of yourself.
I put down my chopsticks, leaned on the back of the chair, put my hands on my hips, looked around at the two people in front of me, and said, "I don't go to the Three Treasures Hall for anything. Tell me, what's the matter?"Hidden from me. "
They looked at each other, and then sighed. I had a bad feeling.
Cheng Cheng was the first to speak, "Xiang Yang, our wedding is scheduled for the 6th of next month. ·······"
I nodded, this is my suggestion, there is nothing wrong with it.
Yu Qing took the words and said: "We originally wanted to tell you, But you have been decadent and unable to get out of Gu Wei's shadow, so I don't know what consequences telling you this will have on you..."
My heart seemed to stop suddenly Now, when we talk about Gu Wei, the bad feeling in my heart is suddenly amplified a hundred times.
"Gu Wei, she heard that I was getting married and decided to come back to China to attend my wedding. "
After Cheng Cheng finished speaking, it was as if he breathed his last breath. Both of them looked at me nervously. I knew that they did this for my life. My decadent life was a blessing. Given by that woman, how will I face her if she comes back? Should I hold her responsible for my messed up life? Or should I pretend that nothing happened, cover up my inner sadness, and wear something that doesn't belong to me? Are you pretending to be a mask of your own heart?
I felt dizzy and felt sour. I was silent and looked at the dishes on the table with blurred eyes. They were delicious but I couldn’t eat them. After removing the chopsticks, Cheng Cheng comforted me and said, "It's okay Xiangyang. In fact, it's a very happy thing to meet someone you've been separated from for many years. You don't have to be so sad. Besides, you're still wearing the watch given by Gu Wei. You In fact, I still can't let go of Gu Wei. "
What she said touched my heart. I slowly got up and walked out. I stayed at the door of the restaurant in my heart, leaned against the wall, and smoked a cigarette.
This is too sudden. I miss Gu Wei, but in what capacity should I face her? As an ex-boyfriend? As a stranger? I just feel like I don’t care about any of this. I just want to see her. Even if I hide in the dark and spy, I can't let it go. I can't let go of that sincere relationship. Who the hell wants to be the guardian of the dark place? I want to talk to her in front of her. Say a few words, even just a few "Hello?" "Have you eaten?" "How are you doing?" "I am very satisfied with these.
I want to see how she has changed over the years and whether she is happy. But one thing is that she is definitely happier than me. I am a rotten person to the core, so what do I have? Who am I to ask her for happiness? I am a moth who does not deserve the light. How can I touch her with this true love right in front of me?
It’s hard for me to make a choice. People, once the people or things that I miss every day suddenly appear in front of me, I will be at a loss. If I run out of cigarettes and smoke another one, people passing by will become confused. Looking at me with a strange look, I ignored them and kept smoking, letting the smoke fill my lungs and stimulate my mind.
My heart aches, Jue Ze.It was so difficult. I stayed silent, put out the cigarette, and returned to the meal. But I had no intention of eating. They could just see me smoking alone outside through the glass. They were also silent. I didn’t give any reply this time. , the dinner ended in such a hurry, and we parted ways. I felt like I had nowhere to go. I was extremely depressed today, and a feeling of loneliness came to my heart.
The dark night weighs on me, and the noisy city makes me lost. Maybe I am really just a moth without sunshine. The sun in my heart seems to be rising, but I can’t see anything. Like, now I have to fly out of the darkness to see the real sun. I don’t know whether the sun is still the same as the one I met two years ago, whether it is still as hot, and whether it is still as warm.