Chu Yue was lying in my arms with a rosy face. Under the influence of alcohol, she became very emotional. After dinner, I just let her lean on my shoulder wantonly.
On the empty beer cans on the table, the frost attached to them had condensed into dewdrops and slipped off one by one. Chu Yue drank another can of beer. Now she was drunk, "Xiang Yang... ····"
Chu Yue murmured, I don’t know how many times she called my name after she was drunk, but I still responded to her call gently, I will not be angry, I don’t feel She's annoying and I just think it's cute.
"Xiang Yang... I love you."
Chu Yue was a little confused, I chuckled and responded to her love words: "I love you too, you drink You're drunk, let me help you go to bed, and I'll clean up the leftovers on the table."
Just when I wanted to get up and help her, she held me back and wouldn't let me leave these few inches. , "Don't leave."
I was a little confused, but Chu Yue firmly asked me to stay, "What's wrong? Are you feeling uncomfortable?"
I whispered. I asked, and cautiously reached out to her forehead, lifted the bangs covering her forehead, and tested the temperature. There was no fever. She pulled my hand away, hugged me, threw herself into my arms and said : "Xiang Yang, I just discovered that what I fell in love with is the essence of your heart."
I hugged her and raised the corners of my mouth, "Why did you say sexy things? Okay, okay, go. Go to bed. I'll ask you to get up and wash up after a while, otherwise you'll have a headache tomorrow."
Chu Yue shook her head and said softly, "Just listen to me and don't interrupt me."
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I nodded and promised. She has lost her mind now and has been replaced by emotion. If she does something that is not what she wants, she may get angry. I promise to listen to her, why not?
"Xiang Yang, I love you very much. Every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every month, all my life, I love you. I can't do it for one more second, and I can't do it for one second less. It's God's will. , let this enviable love come with such twists and turns. Every day I wait for you to change your mind, it is like strangling my heart and wandering on both sides of the abyss and the garden. I am haggard. I am not afraid that you will choose Gu Wei and pursue it. The true love in your heart, I can wait, even if I don’t marry you all my life, what I’m afraid of is that you will forget me. During the time when I returned to Suzhou, I was eager to receive a message or a phone call from you, even to say hello. I am also satisfied, but you are not..."
Chu Yue's tears were swirling in her eyes. Her voice turned from subtle to passionate, and then she fell into a cycle of choking. I patted her gently. Her back, trying to calm her down in my warm embrace.
"I know, I'm sorry for you... I was stubborn and made you wait for me for so long..."
My throat A little dry and full of guilt, she still shook her head and whisperedIn response to my apology, "No, you don't have to apologize, I won't blame you... People will always make a few irreparable mistakes. As long as they sincerely repent, they will ignore past grudges and make mistakes." If you don't correct your mistakes, you will be encouraged...I don't have many wishes, as long as you are still by my side..."
Chu Yue raised her head and looked into my eyes , her eyes were red, and tears lingered in the corners of her eyes, like the deep sky and the upside-down moon. I hugged her tightly, as if I wanted to integrate her into my body, "I will always be with you." Yes, Chu Yue..."
I hope to understand how she feels at this moment, experience her emotions, and peek into the playground deep in her heart with bright lights and happy children's voices. , a pure land in her heart, I want to see it.
Chu Yue gradually became quiet in my arms, sobbing, "Xiangyang..."
Her voice was very small and vague, but I heard She clearly understood that this was a drunken utterance. She recounted all the words that had been squeezed in her heart for a long time. Just like a mobile phone, it needs to be regularly disinfected and cleaned to exclude garbage to improve performance and lifespan.
"I'm here."
I responded softly.
"You actually...can't let go of Gu Wei in your heart, right?"
Chu Yue lifted her face buried in my arms and looked at me , I looked into her eyes, and there were shocking tears on her cheeks, and there was a hint of loss in her eyes. She expected the answer, hoping that the answer I gave would fit the missing piece of the puzzle in her heart.
"I..."
I hesitated, struggling in my heart, countless answers emerged in my mind, and I imagined countless endings. Indeed, I I can’t forget Gu Wei, her cheeks, her voice, the sense of security she gave me on the night of our elopement. I can’t forget her love, which is killing me like poison.
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"I know, you can't forget her, I don't mind, you are accompanying me during these days, I am very happy, I am happy as never before, I brought you to Suzhou, trying to use my hometown My hometown, let you take root here, I was wrong, the bird that yearns for the sky, even if it falls from the cliff and dies, it will keep flying. I can't restrain you, I will comply with all your choices, if you still can't forget If you want to leave her, go to Shanghai to find her..."
My nose felt sore, tears secreted from my eyes, her head lay down heavily, and she lay in my arms, her vision Becoming fuzzy, I shook my head and said firmly: "I won't. I owe you too much. I will never let anyone down, including you Chu Yue. I promise that I can't let go of Gu Wei, but she and I are already two." I miss her, but I can’t get her. Now that I have you, I must learn to cherish you. I will not leave you alone and return to Shanghai. I will be with you in Suzhou.”
Chu Yue raised her head and looked at me in disbelief, and then smiled, laughing in the midst of tears. It was the dawn that she saw after experiencing the wind and rain. It was the glory that reversed everything in the ending that was doomed to fail. The dead came back to life, the dead tree became spring again, life is like this Teasing, there is reversal everywhere, maybe we were so in love one second, but we will be separated the next second...
She fell asleep, with unshed tears remaining in the corners of her eyes, and on her cheeks With traces of crying flowers hanging on her face, she fell asleep quietly and fell into sleep. I picked her up and walked towards the room on the second floor. I was careful, for fear of waking her up if I made any noise.
When she returned to the room, she slowly opened her eyes and called my name drowsily. I put her on the bed and covered her with a quilt. She hugged my neck and kissed me. To me, I wanted to resist and turned my face away, "I haven't taken a shower yet..."
She turned a deaf ear. Under such a fierce offensive, my sanity would also decline. Zero, replaced by sensibility, leaving behind all the baggage, lingering in bed with her...
I took off my watch and sat by the bed. After that, I Yue coaxed her to sleep, threw her clothes into the washing machine for cleaning, sucked the dishes, sorted out all the trivial matters, and was already busy until twelve o'clock.
I didn’t feel sleepy, only full of fatigue. I lay on the window sill, holding a lollipop in my mouth and looking at the night scene. I could overlook the moat. My eyes followed the countercurrent of the moat and looked towards the end. Go, the source of the moat is the Suzhou River in Shanghai. It’s so similar.
I can't help but think of Shanghai, but I can't see Shanghai at the end of my field of vision. Even if I see through the moat, I can't see that familiar feeling. What is true love?
Is it Chu Yue who is sleeping soundly in bed? Is it the love words promised every time after experiencing the passion of the night? Is it the little things you give in life and the subtleties that touch you for each other? Maybe the definition of love shouldn't be so complicated. The passion of the night is people's wish. The love words promised verbally may not be the firm choice of the heart, but a lie of deception.
The true love I think is the feeling that comes from the heart, the tension that is caught, the feeling that appears when I see you for the first time in the vast sea of people, you must grasp it. At this moment, hold this heartbeat tightly, don't let go, and experience this love that makes you fascinated.
This is what I think. People all over the world cannot be convinced that everyone has their own true love, regardless of age, gender, race, region...but the most popular one, It is the true love that you think is the best. The belief that allows you to pursue will not be changed easily.
It was very dark, there were no stars, only the passenger plane was speeding over Suzhou. The passenger plane flashed red light frequently, and at such a long distance, it became a moving red star, giving people who had nothing. The sky is decorated.
Maybe I can’t fall in love with Suzhou, but what I love is a person living in Suzhou. It is logical that I will fall in love with a city and willThis is my second home, giving my soul a place to belong.
I can’t see the ethereal wishes. What I care more about is my current happiness. I buried my youth with my own hands in Shanghai. I lit a romantic cigarette for myself and threw it away. Put down the lighter and walk forward, no matter how dazzling and charming the city behind you is, with money and desire, it attracts countless people to bet their youth chips.
I will not look back or stop leaving. I have already paid the due price. I will hold back the love I am about to express and leave it to the girl I truly love. I can't be a superman who can reach heaven or earth, and I can't protect her throughout her life. What I can do is accompany her sunrise and sunset, and accompany her through spring, summer, autumn and winter...
My three views are basically Not right.
World view - How can you have a world view if you have never seen the world?
Outlook on life - My life has been full of twists and turns. I used to be depressed and not doing my job properly, and my life could just pass by. Now I am starting to make progress and live for love. I don’t know whether this is correct or not, and it remains to be investigated.
Values - Not correct. When I judge what I see and hear and what is right and wrong, I make my own inner decision and evaluate it based on my own feelings. When others help an old lady cross the road, some people think it is Love, in my eyes, is 80% action in order to achieve some purpose.
My life is a mess, I live aimlessly without goals.
I suddenly coughed violently. I know my body best. I must spare some time and go to the hospital to see if I will live long. It’s really scary. I still have nostalgia in this world. , I'm afraid of death.
Like Chu Yue said, I love you and don’t care what God thinks. We may be separated in the next second, so we don’t pursue the future. We are ourselves, love ourselves, and have everything we have now. , is the best gift.