I looked at the record book. It had Chu Yue's name on it, and she used the title of my "girlfriend".
I was a little confused, why was Chu Yue here to bail me out? Why her? I had a fight with her last night, and we didn't even get along. I originally thought that the two of us would go down different paths, but we were inexplicably connected.
"Please sign it. It's not easy for your girlfriend to come alone so late. After signing, go out and stay with her."
I grew up as a young police officer. He took the pen in his hand, signed his name, and took something that belonged to him.
"Don't do this kind of thing in the future. I see that you are a grown man, but you are mentally depressed. Stop making a fool of yourself. Drinking is harmful to your health."
I nodded, as if in acquiescence. I heard the young police officer’s heartfelt words of encouragement to me.
I walked out of the door and lit a cigarette. Chu Yue stood outside the door, with her back to me, facing the vehicles passing by on the road and the city full of tall buildings.
It was windy, slightly cold, and the night was very deep. Even my heart was polluted. I was very disgusted with others using the word "girlfriend" to tease me or regard themselves as such. I never used it. Gu Wei's shadow came out and I was very sensitive. I even resisted for a while, but I was still drifted away. I had to learn to accept it, as if I accepted everything that was beyond my power, buried it in the soil of my heart, and allowed it to sprout and grow. Then it became a pile of strong vines, wrapping around his originally passionate heart. He watched helplessly but could not do anything, until he became an indifferent person.
The wind picked up, and the wind blew her hair, and her figure looked like Gu Wei. I understand now that the longing I had many years ago is like a bullet fired. When you were three minutes old, I panicked and was hit between the eyebrows by this bullet that had been flying for many years.
I long for, I hope she is you, I am still imagining, but reality is reality, fantasy is fantasy, I don’t have the ability to speak, I don’t have the magic to turn things into gold, who can They both long to be the superman in each other's life, shielding and protecting each other.
I took a puff of cigarette and remained silent, unwilling to face her.
She noticed me, turned around, her face was a little pale, the corners of her eyes were a little moist, and the tears on her cheeks were clearly visible. I didn’t know she was crying. She made no move to wipe away her tears, and let the wind blow her alone. Fuck it, maybe this is her way, and I have no right to interfere.
"How did you... know I'm here?"
I lowered my head, unwilling to face her face, I was like a person who had made a mistake Children who are in trouble do not dare to face their parents.
The arrogance I had in the bar just now dissipated without reservation in front of this woman, just like a docile little lamb.
"Chen Zhen called me and told me that you hit someone in the bar and enteredThe police. ”
I was silent.
I remembered that I had indeed told Chen Zhen Chu Yue’s contact information, thinking that they would only chat and then delete each other, but I didn’t expect to leave it. After so long, I wanted to scold Chen Zhen for letting me see the woman I deeply hurt yesterday, but then I thought, if it weren't for him, I might really have to be locked up for a night.
"Thank you, for the bail money, I..." I thought for a moment, and then said, "I will pay you back later. ”
I smoked out the cigarette, then turned around and walked in the opposite direction. I was so eager to escape from here, because the memories were flooding back. Yesterday, she called me a scumbag and a beast. I didn't say anything back. I seemed to have accepted these nicknames subtly. After all, I am a bad person.
"Xiangyang..."
She stopped. My voice was gentle, without any hint of threat. I stopped, but I still didn’t dare to look back. I was afraid that when I looked back, I would see her eyes full of tears again and her face that was thin because of me. I I’m scared, I’m really scared.
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“Don’t you really have anything to say to me? ? "
My heart trembled and I began to analyze and dismantle the meaning of this passage. Did she want to save me? Or did she want to avenge my indifference yesterday? I couldn't think of it. I just want to be a simple person. , I am still sensitive to the word "girlfriend"
I turned around and faced her. She did not cry, but had a sad look on her face. The moonlight shined through the dim lights of the city surprisingly. The haze hit her body, and I said: "Please don't call yourself my "girlfriend" in the future. This is very inconvenient for both of us. This title is very important to me, so please respect yourself." "
"Why? ”
She choked and lowered her head slightly, not letting me look into her eyes.
I was silent, she cried, I had no comfort, she had no request, both of us The hearts are all so fragile, and all are so helpless. On this night, some people have sustenance, some have lost, and some have gained...
"Could it be that... you Can't we forget Gu Wei? "
I was stunned. Forgetting Gu Wei is such an easy thing to say, but can it be done? Forgetting her means that I have forgotten my four years of youth. I have missed her for two years. What are years? Count the passing air?
I didn’t reply directly, I asked: “Do you really believe that a one-night stand can really lead to a long life together? Are you going to get married together? "
This time she was silent. I wanted to cry. I have never been a strong person. In fact, my heart is very fragile. I don't want to say harsh words, which will hurt the hearts of both parties. I bear He turned around, took out a cigarette, and sighed in his heart:So damn melancholy.
But suddenly, my waist was hugged, and Chu Yue buried her face in my back. The warmth coming from behind made me a little overwhelmed. This familiar feeling The feeling was once again awakened from the depths of my memory. It was the youth of the past and the passion of the past. These were all related to Gu Wei. On the day I eloped with her, she hugged my waist from behind. , buried his face in my back, and said softly: "I love you, Xiangyang."
"Please, Xiangyang, don't leave me, okay? I really..." I really don’t want to be alone in this dark night, I don’t want to be without support, I don’t want to..."
She choked, but her tears flowed down unsatisfactorily, getting wet. There were tears on my back and in my eyes. I looked at the dark road in front of me with no street lights. I wanted to bear it alone, but I was hugged by the warmth from behind. I said that I was the one who was not worthy. The moth possesses light, but what it desires in its heart cannot reach it. The sun it longs for still lives in its heart, but I will never be able to see the sun in reality.
But it is clear that Chu Yue is a person walking on the bright road and has nothing to do with me. She does not need to go to great lengths to pull me out of the dark world. Why bother? I gave up the light in front of me and wanted to dance with the moths in the dark night. Many people long for light. As long as there is a little light, there will be hundreds of moths hanging around. I can't reach it. But a moth that has gained light leaves everything behind and goes to the dark night to seek the love that is firm in his heart. But it is still unknown whether this love can go to the end. How absurd and ridiculous this is.
The warmth coming from my back became clearer and clearer. I suddenly smoked the cigarette from my mouth, broke away from her hands, took a few steps towards the dark road, then turned around and cursed at her. Said: "I have been extorted money from you and you are not satisfied? If you want to rely on me, then go find the person who got you pregnant. Don't come to me, a scumbag. I won't accompany you. You have your own light." You have your future, and I am just a moth in the night looking forward to the light, so you don’t have to be pitiful towards me."
She did not give up, and stepped into the darkness ahead despite her tears. , her face became even paler, she bit her lip and looked at me reluctantly. This was due to physical discomfort after the abortion.
I fell silent, and she became even more uncomfortable. I made no move to help her. She seemed to have seen my determination, and took back her foot that stepped into the darkness, then turned around silently and headed towards the other side. While walking.
Her figure became smaller and smaller, and she became more and more lonely on the street with street lights on both sides. She bent over, folded her arms, lowered her head and sobbed.
I don’t know when my tears flowed down both sides of my cheeks, until they gathered on my chin and dripped to the ground. Only then did I realize how embarrassed I was, and the night around me was getting darker and darker. , swallow me up.
I lit a cigarette again and looked at her figure more and moreThe vagueness dissipated more and more. I was afraid. I was still a sharp-tongued person. The last bit of conscience in my heart was ignited. I cursed and chased Chu Yue away. I escaped from the darkness and stepped forward. After entering the light, instead of letting a bright moth follow the light, she will inevitably suffer setbacks, blows, sadness, and lack of companionship on the way, and I will just be a good person for once.