Dragging my tired body, I slowly walked back to the rental house where I lived, climbed to the sixth floor, took out the key and opened the heavy door. A bill for water and electricity rent slipped through the crack of the door. It floated down, I picked it up, glanced at it casually, and threw it on the ground. I didn’t have a penny on me, so I couldn’t take care of any trivial matters in life that needed money and material support, because it would only increase my pressure.
I walked to the living room and lay weakly on the sofa, lazily, unwilling to think about anything. I simply let my mind go and let myself sink into this silent silence. I suddenly caught a glimpse of The guitar placed in the corner, the "empty" wall I just built collapsed, and Gu Wei's name appeared in front of my eyes again. I don't know how many repetitions, how many times of missing, how many times today. Nostalgia, resonance many times.
It seems that my emotions are tied to the name Gu Wei. She always affects my emotions and plays with my emotions. The sadness and grief that I hide in the corner of my heart are severely beaten. I took it out and decided to have a good time tonight and let these endless negative emotions indulge. I picked up the dusty guitar case and opened the zipper. Inside lay a tree-brown custom-made guitar.
My and Gu Wei’s names are engraved on the front of the guitar, and her autograph is next to it. This is so important to me, but during these two sad years, I rarely picked it up. , because they are afraid of hurting themselves by touching things.
I took out a few bottles of Tsingtao beer from the refrigerator, and then drank a lot. Even if some wine slipped from the corner of my mouth and flowed along my skin from my neck to my clothes, I didn't care. Now I just begged. Alcohol can paralyze oneself, and then make oneself less embarrassed in the subsequent emotional outburst, because this is a duel in which the more bullies the less, and you know that your chances of winning are slim, but you still have to face the difficulties.
I put the guitar across my legs, changed into a comfortable position, picked up a cigarette, lit it and took a deep breath, feeling the relief of the cigarette entering my lungs, and then slowly exhaled, fascinated I smelled the passing smell of cigarettes, and then simmered for a while, then I ran my four fingers across the strings, and a familiar rhythm suddenly came. I picked up the rhythm and sang: "Maybe I am still the same me at that time and intersection, Waiting or looking forward to looking back with regret may be helpless. Although I know there is no result, you are the reason for my waiting. Maybe I am still at the teacher's door, the school door or your home, just like this day after day, year after year... ···”
As expected, my emotions couldn’t stand such stimulation. Tears fell down unsatisfactorily, across my cheeks, and dripped from my chin onto my guitar. I played slowly. It slowed down and my voice became hoarse and choked. I don't know why, I shed tears. I don't know why a person is afraid of lonely nights. I don't know why I feel so sad.
I hugged the guitar and cried bitterly, but I, a man, was often hurt by love and shed tears. Obviously I could just cheer up and get out of Gu Wei’s shadow. Obviously I could return to Gu Wei’s shadow.If I move forward, I can still save her. Obviously I can abandon all the sorrow and be a good husband to her and a responsible father. But why, why am I so decadent? I really don’t know why.
I came to the balcony and admired the night view after crying. There were several potted plants that had not yet bloomed. These potted plants were bought by Gu Wei after she and I moved into this rental house. She didn't tell me what kind it was. She just said that the flower would be beautiful when it blooms, as beautiful as the moon, and as moving as the falling flower. But I smiled bitterly, picked up the showerhead and slowly watered all the potted plants. I didn't want to I understand when their flowering period is. I have never seen flowers in bloom. I don’t know if the flower is dead. I don’t know if this may be a scam Gu Wei lied to me, but I am still stupid. Care and watering day by day, I would rather be immersed in the lies compiled by Gu Wei than face the ending of the flower being dead.
I smoked another cigarette, and finally I could appreciate the incomplete moon. The night was getting darker and darker, and the moon was reflected like the sun in the dark night. It was so dazzling and dazzling. It is bright and bright, but who can understand the pain of the moon? The moon carries the sorrow of the world and the broken hearts of the world. She can never surpass the sun, because the sun needs to spread light to people and give people a positive courage, while the moon is a sad person like me in the dark night. As a safe haven, we are willing to give our injured hearts to the moon for safekeeping at this time, letting it carry our hearts, like clouds, drifting into the distance and sinking into the horizon at 6 o'clock.
I don’t know how much time passed, but I was woken up by a phone call in bed. I didn’t answer it. After a while, I picked it up in annoyance and said angrily: "Who! You still let me know?" No one is allowed to sleep!"
A familiar voice came to mind on the other end of the phone, "Xiangyang, sir, it's almost noon, why are you still sleeping? Did you drink and act sad yesterday? "A boy?"
Yu Qing's voice immediately stimulated my brain. I regained my temper and replied softly but lazily: "Yes, I was chatting with the moon last night?" Do you want to listen to what we talked about?"
"With your urinary attitude, you must have talked to Yue about some dirty words yesterday, so stop making trouble and go downstairs. Cheng and I Cheng will take you to lunch and discuss some things with you."
"Okay..."
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I replied lazily, and then got up sleepily. After washing, I hurried downstairs. When I got downstairs, I saw Yu Qing’s Audi A6. I was used to it. I sat in the back seat, and without saying a word, they just drove me to a place I didn't know the destination.
When we arrived at a restaurant, we sat down and ordered the menu. I looked straight at Yu Qing and Cheng Cheng, who were sitting opposite me. I wanted to see what tricks they wanted to play, and they actually sacrificed their lives.My break today.
Yu Qing and Cheng Cheng looked at each other and nodded, then took out a bank card from the bag Cheng Cheng carried and handed it to me. Cheng Cheng said: "Xiang Yang, you can take the money in this card first. Don't worry about paying it back. I know you haven't been able to save a few copper coins in these years, so I discussed with Yu Qing and gave you money to buy a house. Let you establish yourself in Shanghai first, live a good life, and don't live too lowly..."
"Stop, am I, Yan Xiangyang, really the waste in your eyes that I don't know how to do three things? "
I interrupted Cheng Cheng's speech with a questioning tone. What she meant was to let me live a good life first, so that when Gu Wei returns to China, I won't be embarrassed in front of her. , even disgraceful, even if I have a house, she will think that I am more energetic during the period after she left, no sadness, no decadence, no malaise, but I think this is a superfluous thing, taking off my pants and farting. She understands how I do it. She understands that when I am sad, I will go to the Suzhou River in the city center to cry alone at night. She understands that when I am happy, I will sing and express my feelings, so she will give it to me without hesitation. Buy a custom-made guitar, and she will understand when I am in a bad mood, so she will play and sing with me and share the joys and sorrows with me.
So she understands how heartbroken and heartbroken I will be after leaving her. She must know that I am decadent and depressed. I have been making love in the past two years. Only by closing down his feelings and maintaining an indifferent attitude towards everything would he have something like a one-night stand with Chu Yue.
Cheng Cheng nodded, confirming that I was a waste with three skills, Yu Qing continued: "Xiang Yang, just take this money, my brother made it clear, hurry up after you take this money When you buy a house, don't let Gu Wei look down on you. You want her to see your progress and your hard work, instead of just muddle along day after day, year after year. "
" It's useless, these are all hypocritical."
He was stunned. My words surprised him, and then he looked at Cheng Cheng beside him, as if to say: "I have no idea. Come on, come and make things right." But Cheng Cheng responded to Yu Qing's request with the same look.
I smoked a cigarette, and my eyes suddenly dimmed, "The mask of hypocrisy can't cover up my heart-breaking feelings, nor can it cover a person with sharp eyes. You'd better take this money." Go back. You two are about to get married. It’s not enough to use this money to buy a wedding house. Besides, even if I take this money and buy a house, I’m so stupid that I can’t even pay off the mortgage, let alone you guys are getting married. , there are more places to spend money, wedding banquets, guest teams... Anyway, the prices in Shanghai are really not cheap..."
I paused, and then continued: "I I don’t lavish on these worldly things. I just hope to wait until then to see her once, just once. I want to see if she has been happy these years and whether she has achieved anything in these years.I have become a lot more familiar, am I still the prodigal who went crazy with me and never turned back in the wind of the world..."
Yu Qing suddenly took the cigarette out of my mouth, and then pinched it Mie, worriedly said: "Stop being decadent, brother, I beg you, I remember you used to be quite cool, right?" "
I smiled, then looked at Yu Qing's eyes, and said sadly: "That's only in the past. I will abandon my "freedom" in the rain. In the morning, following the Maybach carrying my beloved youth, I just had to muddle along..."