The nights in Shanghai are always so emotional and dark, even her facial features become blurred. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It seems like I’m sick or tired of sitting alone. By the Suzhou River, looking at the dark river in front of me, I was terrified.
The sadness during the day filled my heart. The pain could not be explained in words. Gu Wei’s appearance began to flash in my mind, and the rounded mirror began to break and scatter. On the ground, I carefully picked up the fragments of memories.
The fragments punctured my skin and pierced my flesh. The blood flowed uncontrollably. I was in so much pain and I was at a loss. On the river bank full of memories, things are now human. No.
Can a broken mirror be reunited? It has become countless piercing fragments. If you hold it in your arms, it will only hurt yourself. If you put it down, you will be reluctant to let go of the painful and heart-breaking feelings. Even if you reunite it, there will still be cracks, and there will be grudges and ravines in your heart. It will be as beautiful and real as the first relationship.
I want to smoke to relieve my pain. I have been sitting here since I left the wedding, never leaving. There are cigarette butts all over the floor. There are only a few cigarette butts left in the box. There are countless cigarette butts on the ground. , soot accumulated on the corners of my clothes, I was very embarrassed, the corners of my eyes were red, and two light red tear stains were left on both sides of my cheeks.
I lit the last cigarette tremblingly and took a gentle breath. My lungs suddenly hurt sharply, it was difficult to breathe, and it was very stuffy, as if I was about to die. I lay in pain. On the ground, the cigarette in my mouth fell to the ground. My lungs were so dry and thirsty, and every breath was accompanied by pain.
I coughed violently, and there was a rusty smell in my mouth. I spat out saliva, which was mixed with blood. My body began to reject it. My stomach hurt, my lungs hurt, and I felt dizzy. Gradually, My limbs began to become weak, and the Suzhou River in front of me was blurry. Even under the illumination of the street lamp, I felt dizzy and psychedelic.
It hurts! Not only my whole body, but suddenly a feeling of nausea came to my heart. I knelt on the ground, lowered my head and vomited out the alcohol and stomach acid. I drank until I vomited, and smoked until I felt uncomfortable. I tortured my body and mind to the extreme. way to relieve your emotions.
Bai Yueguang’s departure is the final conclusion of love. Youth has dissipated and no longer makes up for me, a person who has gone off track. Gu Wei’s name has always been in my mind. I am struggling. I hope to forget it. She forgot the love of the past four years, the pain of the past two years, and all the memories about her.
How I wish I could erase my memory and become a stranger, a stranger who passed by Gu Wei. How I wish I didn’t stay in her world, and didn’t have a relationship with her, and That bullshit is not a "love" agreement.
All of this is a lie, a lie weaved by Gu Wei. I am living in her lies, day after day, year after year, like two potted plants on the balcony that do not bloom. The end is already Obviously, it won't bloom, I can't waitDuring the flowering period, I cannot see the brilliant flowers. They will only show themselves to others, not to me who has taken care of them for many years, not even a glance.
I am very sad, very sad, this city makes me very sad, I understand, there is no end to being sentimental, blindly waiting will not lead to sacrifice, the happiness that I dream of is far away from me, I can't touch it! I can only watch from a distance! Nothing can be done.
I coughed a few times, and I knew clearly that I was probably going to die. My body was already so weak. I had been destroying myself over the years, enjoying the hormones brought by one-night stands, and enjoying The stamina of alcohol evaporating in the body makes one feel ecstasy, and feeling the satisfaction of nicotine filling the lungs paralyzes the brain.
I am a useless person. Even if I have been living with a sigh of relief these years, Gu Wei is faith and the ideal pure land in my heart. What is the sincerity in my heart? Chu Yue has her amusement park, Shirai Akie has her music box, what about me? Don't I have anything?
After you left, the wound in my heart opened slightly, and the broken vein hatched out a red spinel, which also longed for a kiss to set it in. After you left, the camellia at night no longer made me happy. My blooming memory is the first snowflake that falls on my heart. After you leave, the wounds in my heart are difficult to heal. The wounds of love are like the body of a centipede, longing for the burning of the first taste. After you leave, The scab is graffitied with memories. This thick stroke of dark brown ink is the inscription on my tombstone that has disappeared into the sea.
I stood up slowly, although I staggered a bit. I raised my head and looked at the high-rise buildings opposite. The intoxication of neon has made countless people fall for it. This is the charm of desire. A hero cannot be more than a beauty. The young man finally lost his pomegranate skirt and glanced back at the white moonlight, his soul was haunted by dreams and broken by love.
I'm afraid I know what my heart is like. It's like a forest of mirrors. Each mirror reflects everyone's face. I know very well that Chu Yue's love is sincere, Shirai Qiu Hui's friendship and the broken love.
My heart accommodates their hearts. There are also playgrounds and music boxes. My ideals are buried in these things. I entrust my feelings to them. I would rather stay where I am. I also want them to take my share of love and witness my future happiness for me.
I seem to have trapped Gu Wei in the sea of my memory. She sealed herself off and beat my heart eagerly. She wanted to leave, leaving my dark and moist heart, and she wanted to pursue it. Happiness, the ideal in the heart, living well in the city of desire.
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Perhaps, only by forgetting her can we give her real freedom. The only way to forget everything is the Suzhou River in front of us. Maybe by freeing ourselves, we can give this lie a happy ending. .
The smoke was burning at my feet, and my eyes were dull and colorless. All the confusion was gathered together. In the two eyes, I could see one hundred and twenty degrees.In my eyes, the world I see clearly is only black and white.
My life has no meaning. My existence can only cause trouble to the people around me. I will not let go. These pains will accompany me to the end of my life.
I walked forward slowly, and the Suzhou River in front of me seemed to become amiable. In this place full of beautiful memories with Gu Wei, my passing away here can be regarded as a complete painting. When my relationship comes to an end, at least I can pass away in the place where I once had beautiful memories, and my departure should be peaceful.
My right foot has already stepped into the Suzhou River. The river water is a bit cold. It penetrates my leather boots and socks and pierces into my flesh and blood, as if it wants me to change my mind. I ignore the response of the river water. Push and still move forward.
My vision is blurry. I look at the neon city buildings in front of me. I want to touch them. They are beautiful and charming, aren't they? The river water was pushing me back, and there seemed to be many more colorful butterflies in front of me. They were very agile and hovered around me. They danced gracefully, and the colorful particles on their wings fell off.
A drizzle formed. I smiled bitterly, tears flowing uncontrollably. The colors on the butterflies fell off and disappeared into the black night. I reached out to catch them like crazy.
"Don't go, don't leave me, don't leave me."
I cried and begged, the colors dissipated, and the butterflies were left with only black and white, they were gone. Without color, their own vitality was replaced by withering. They fell on the river and turned into ashes and drifted with the river.
I stumbled and fell, and my whole body fell into the river. I closed my eyes tightly, and the salty river water filled my mouth and nose. Bubbles kept rushing out of my mouth and nose, and my ears and other things... I couldn't hear anything, it was very quiet all around. This kind of atmosphere was what I dreamed of.
I don’t want to be wrapped up in worldly music and noisy noises. The river can block most of the transmission of sound. I lie on my back, just let myself go, and drift into the river with gravity, I slowly opened my eyes, and through the dark river water, I saw a ray of neon reflected on the river.
This bunch of neon lights is colorful, like a rainbow. I stretched out my hand towards the neon lights, but I couldn’t catch them. Only the river water flowed through my fingers. This bunch of neon lights were just like my love. It's not a real thing, it's just an illusion before our eyes.
They are just some particles that can be caught by eyes but not by hands. They are fake, fake and unreal.
There was no air in my lungs, and the pain all over my body disappeared the moment I fell into the water. A feeling of suffocation spread in my chest, but what did this pain mean?
My faith has collapsed, and the city in the sky that symbolizes beautiful love no longer exists. Before I died, I suddenly recalled the night of our elopement, the love chased in the rainstorm, and our love. Bit by bit, I waited for her for two years in this city of desire.
All these efforts are allIt's all in vain, it's buried in this night, it's too late to say anything. Gu Wei is now Jiang Ruowen's true love. It's my fault, it was caused by me. If it weren't for the lies I weaved that hurt her heart, she I wouldn't have chosen Jiang Ruowen. I noticed that the feeling of suffocation was getting stronger and stronger, and I seemed to be intoxicated.
I suddenly longed to be loved. I longed for someone to rush down to save me in the increasingly dark vision ahead, to be given warmth in the trough, so that the dying person could regain the confidence and confidence in life. Hope, I suddenly felt this way, but am I worthy of being saved?
I asked myself, I am a rotten person. I was once unworthy of a moth of light, and now I am unworthy of living. I obviously long to be saved, but I have lost the hope of life. Without faith, I am not alive. If necessary, I am willing to die.