The night in Shanghai was really tough. I was sitting in the taxi, holding my head in my hands, closing my eyes, thinking about why Chu Yue called me so late and asked me to come over. It was the No. 1 Maternal and Infant Health Hospital in Shanghai. This is the obstetrics and gynecology department. Is it really because of that drinking break and a relationship that shouldn't have happened?
I repeatedly denied this matter in my heart. This girl has a good face, and she may have slept with countless people before. If she is really pregnant, she will never get pregnant. Maybe it was my seed, I had a little doubt that she wanted me to be a successor or a Kaizi. I looked as proud as if I had seen through her conspiracy.
But judging from my many years of wandering experience, I am really not 100% sure that this matter is not mine. I started to hesitate again. Suddenly, I had the urge to escape. I saw Looking out the window at the night view, I was getting closer and closer to the health center, and I didn't dare ask the driver to take me back to my residence.
After arriving, the driver asked me for more than 80 yuan for the fare. As a rural person, I immediately cursed at the driver: "It's a black car, it's only a few steps away." The road costs me more than eighty yuan. Are you bullying me?"
The driver locked the car door and shouted, "Will you see this? The fare is based on the distance. Do you know how many detours you have to make from the other end of the bus to this side? You kid, you are still on the bus. Do you know how difficult it is to run in downtown Shanghai? You are like a retarded person. Hurry up and pay. Money, or we will call the police and arrest you."
I was so angry that I wanted to vent it all on this black car driver. I took out cash and paid 80 yuan to get out of this black car. After I was relieved, I was suddenly enveloped in the black night. I lit a cigarette and cursed in my heart: "Fuck, this stupid driver has put me in a place where birds don't poop."
I looked around and saw green belts nearly as tall as a person. I felt strange here. To be honest, I had been wandering in Shanghai for two years. I had never even been to Shanghai, and I didn’t even know about some places.
I tried to take a few steps forward. When I turned a corner, I saw the signboard of Shanghai No. 1 Maternal and Infant Health Hospital. There was a bench and chair outside the door of the health center. There was an electric light above, illuminating a woman wearing thin clothes crouching on a long chair. I walked over and stood in front of her. She seemed to hear my footsteps and slowly raised her head.
"Xiang Yang, I'm pregnant..."
Before she could finish speaking, I couldn't help but vent the anger in my heart on her, no matter what happened. , I blew out the smoke and cursed: "You bastard, you will go to whoever's seed you want! Why do you want me to be the receiver?"
She was obviously stunned. Then he said in an angry voice: "In the past two months, who knows who you have slept with. I don't know what kind of job you do. How do I know if it was caused by the unspoken rules of the workplace?" < /p>
She looked a little angry and looked up at me, only then did I realize that her appearance was much better than the vague appearance I remembered two months ago. She was a beauty, but I would not pity her beauty.
"Yan Xiangyang! Do you dare to do it, don't you? Believe it or not, I gave birth to this child, and then told him that your father is a scum, a beast! He is a man who does things carelessly and doesn't know how to think. If something goes wrong, I will be the first to fly when a disaster strikes."
She threatened me, and I couldn't find the words to refute her. This time, she refused to give up, and I took the initiative. Not wanting to be passive, she stood up and glared at me angrily. Although she was a head shorter than me, I was shocked by her aura at this moment and lost the arrogance in my heart.
There were tears in her eyes. Sure enough, this night was destined to be not an ordinary night, but a dangerous night. It was not an easy thing for a woman to cry.
I was silent for a long time, wanting to say something but couldn't. I now willingly gave the initiative of speaking to Chu Yue. Chu Yue lowered her head, brushed away her tears with her hands, and then sobbed a few times, Choking, she said: "Xiang Yang, are you really unwilling to take responsibility?"
She suddenly called me so affectionately, which made me a little overwhelmed. Her aura just now has dissipated, and she spoke in a compromising tone. Talk to me.
The street lights on the street flicker, and occasionally a few moths are wrapped around the broken electric light. If the electric light is completely broken and there is no light, then the moths will Where will it go?
Looking for a new light bulb? Or disappeared into the dark night.
I tried to keep myself calm, so I didn’t reply to Chu Yue for the time being. I was at a loss and ignorant, and sat down on the bench where Chu Yue had just squatted, holding my forehead with both hands.
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She turned her back to me, sobbing one after another. At this moment, both of us need to calm down, but I can't calm down. It was an accident two months ago, and I can't let the accident ruin it. In my current life, I still miss Gu Wei. I fell silent and thought of a method, which was a bit cruel.
I smoked a cigarette, leaned my whole body on the bench, raised my head, and looked at a few moths fluttering on the street lamp, as if I thought the lamp was the sun. Just think about it, how many times can these short-lived moths see the sun? Maybe they really regard this electric light as the sun in their hearts, maybe they will die soon, so what's wrong with taking a last look at this so-called "sun"?
I took a deep smoke from a cigarette, closed my eyes, put my right arm across my eyes, and covered my eyes. I figured out that if I gave birth to this child, I would be a bad person. I can't support anyone. I heard that Chu Yue is also a working person. She left her hometown and came to Shanghai to work alone. In this big city, two people who have not yet achieved their careers and live a comfortable life have raised a child. It will only get worse and worse, and eventually there will be frequent conflictsHappens, and then the family is broken up, and whether the children can grow up is still a question.
"Have an abortion."
I said this sentence calmly. I knew the consequences of this sentence. It was disrespectful to life and disrespectful to girls. Being irresponsible is also an escape from myself. Now I seem to fit the nickname of "scum".
She suddenly turned her head and shouted loudly: "Yan Xiangyang! You are such a bastard! You are such an out-and-out scumbag. I shouldn't have slept with you in the first place. You are so disrespectful." Responsible, I thought I would settle down in this city and find a man that I can cling to for the rest of my life. I didn’t expect you... I want to curse you to a bad death. Do people like you deserve to live? So disrespectful of the choices she made..."
She cried, I closed my eyes and lost my vision. I couldn't see her sad look. I felt a little relieved and wanted to put myself out there. My auditory system was shut down, and all the sensory organs in my body were shut down. The stinging cries and curses were transmitted from my ears to my brain. I felt aggrieved. Therefore, no matter how she scolded me, I would not reply to a word.
After an unknown amount of time, I realized that my lips were burned by the burning cigarette butt. I threw away the cigarette butt, then stood up and looked at Chu Yue who was squatting on the ground sobbing, with mixed feelings in my heart.
I took out my wallet, rummaged through it carefully, and simply took out all of this month’s salary.
"Yan Xiangyang, have you really... thought about it?"
At this moment, Chu Yue had stood up, with some tears remaining in the corners of her eyes, and her cheeks were touching the light. Against the backdrop, tear stains are clearly visible.
I don’t want things to develop like this, but what’s the use of regret? If you can regret it, then there’s no regrets, no longing, and there’s no such thing as fucking pain!
I nodded, handed her the several thousand dollars in my hand, put away my wallet, turned around and left, towards the darkness, towards the place where there was no light.
Chu Yue took the money and walked out of the health center. She held the RMB tightly in her hand and walked slowly. I suddenly felt very uncomfortable and felt guilty as I stepped into the darkness. Being infinitely magnified, she was responsible for paying for the wrong choices I made, and I walked leisurely towards home like a person with nothing to do.
I wanted to slap myself for being so decadent. I finally discovered that without Gu Wei, I was really going backwards and forwards. The gap was obvious.
The wind picked up, and the light on the bench suddenly went out. Where are those moths? Still there? Are you still waiting where you are? No, they won't be there. They have all dissipated and merged into this lonely night, no longer qualified to enjoy the light.
I lit up a cigarette. In this dark night, only a little spark supported me...
I seemed to be that moth, only using smoke to replaceThe light supports my exhaustion, but I no longer have the qualifications to enjoy the light. I...what a fucking beast!