I held an umbrella and walked on the road to be washed by the rain. I lowered my head and thought about why my feelings are so fragile and I need a hypocritical mask to hide my true self. The raindrops in the sky are There was a popping sound on my umbrella, but the lonely rain seemed to drop into my heart, causing ripples.
My heart is no longer so enthusiastic. I vaguely remember what I said in my sleep one night after I separated from Gu Wei. I vaguely remember that happiness is clearly in my hands, but it is The wind will flow, and until now I don't know if her residual warmth remains in my palms.
I miss her remaining warmth, I long to seize the beauty of this moment, I long for the days when she is here, I miss everything she has done for me, is it only when she leaves? , will you think of her beauty? Will you cherish what is left? Maybe I already know the answer to this question. I have cherished it from the beginning. The watch she gave me, the guitar she gave me. I cherish these material things well, but what about the spiritual things? She gave me an extremely beautiful relationship, which I cherished very much, but still could not prevent this relationship from passing away from my life, which makes me still heartbroken.
The rain was getting heavier and heavier. I opened the door of Duxing Bar and walked in. As soon as I entered, I was exaggerated by the feasting and feasting atmosphere here. The unpleasant emotions just now were the same as the rain. , left outside by me, I will be immersed in the fantasy of alcohol, and then fall in love with the aroma of nicotine.
I took a sip of wine, and then indulged in this lively bar. Chen Zhen on the stage was singing, and he had already brought his emotions into it, as if he had become one with nature. This is also what singing means. At the highest level, if you want your songs to move everyone, you have to move yourself first. If you want your songs to be famous, you have to start in the bar.
He closed his eyes and sang affectionately. I lit up the cigarette silently. This man is just like me. He has too many stories. I can’t understand them deeply, nor can I understand his saddest one. For that comfort, as a brother, I can only offer him a cigarette silently, or clink a glass of wine with him. This is the silent comfort between men, and it is also the most suitable tacit understanding between men.
When I came to the bar this time, I didn’t just watch Chen Zhen sing solo. I brought one of my most important treasures, the custom-made guitar. At this moment, Chen Zhen finished singing a song and went to the bar as usual. When he looked at the bar, he saw the familiar me. He smiled, picked up the microphone and shouted to me: "Xiangyang, come up and show your hands, and bring your precious guitar."
The microphone sounded loudly. When I walked into the bar, everyone also turned their attention to me.
I smiled, walked up calmly with my guitar, and took a puff of cigarette.
Chen Zhen pushed me and said with a smile: "Xiang Yang, why did you bring this precious baby of yours over here? Don't you usually have your wife in your arms in bed?"
"Fuck you uncle, who is going to be my wife? Does she have any qualities?" I haveHe responded with some fake anger, and then started to tune up the music. He asked: "Hahaha, it's just a joke. Don't be so petty, but you definitely won't bring it here for no reason. After singing, let's go Let’s have a few drinks and chat.”
I nodded and said, “What are you singing?”
He thought for a while and said, “The song “Broad Sea and Sky” from a few days ago. , I miss it a lot."
"Okay, just "Broad Sea and Sky"
As the prelude of the music slowly played, I buried my heavy thoughts. Child's night, I don't want to cry anymore.
"Today I watched the snow drifting by in the cold night. I drifted far away with a cold heart. I chased in the wind and rain and couldn't tell the traces in the fog. The sky is vast and the sea is vast. You and I will be different. Who is not here? Change, how many times have I faced cold looks and ridicule... Forgive me for my unrestrained love of freedom in this life, but I will also be afraid that one day I will fall oh no, anyone can abandon their ideals, how can I be afraid that one day it will be just you and me? ·······”
·······
I poured myself a glass of wine and drank it alone. Chen Zhen sat next to me, smoking. Smoking a suffocating cigarette, he smoked it until it burned out, then looked at the guitar I put on one side and said, "Xiang Yang, why did you bring your "baby" here?"
I took a sip of the wine, and the ice cubes swayed left and right in the wall of the glass. I pondered for a while and said, "I'm willing to do it, do you care?"
"You kid..."
Chen Zhen gave me a blow, hitting me on the forehead. The sudden pain pulled me out of the alcohol, and I realized this most direct, intuitive, and straightforward feeling. That is the most real thing. Alcohol is just a poison that numbs emotions. It will only make people go further and further down this road until they have no feelings at all. That is the saddest thing.
I picked up the wine glass and turned to look at Chen Zhen. He picked up his own wine glass with understanding. We clinked glasses together and then looked at each other and smiled. We are both the most famous people in this glorious city. A depressed man, who doesn’t have dreams? Who doesn’t have ideals? Who doesn’t have a beloved girl? We all entrust our youth to this city, and then long for a drunken life, because in dreams, everything is there.
I hope alcohol can take me to distant places, with the reciprocating clouds, to see the world, and with the river that flows day and night, to see the things I have never seen before. The sea, I hope that my body and mind can no longer be in this city, because I want to leave, take Gu Wei with me, and leave without any burden. In my fantasy, I hold Gu Wei's hand and carry this hand on my back. Guitar, and then with the blessings of my friends, I left here happily. So what if my youth is buried here, I just have my beloved girl.
What a beautiful reverie that is, and what I most want to realize at the moment.
This is probably the so-called drunken life and dreaming, but it is good, it can make people happy.Death is a thousand times better than that of a shining meteor.
This chapter is not finished yet, click on the next page to continue reading.
I looked at Chen Zhen beside me. I wanted to see what was in his dream, but what I didn’t expect was a different kind of desolation. He was stunned, staring straight at the wine in his hand. ,
I seemed to have thought of something, but I couldn't guarantee the accuracy of the answer, but I still couldn't help asking: "Miss you?"
He came back to his senses, His expression was a little stunned, as if I had shattered his dream and brought him back to this cruel and involuntary reality.
He nodded, then took a sip of wine, and I took a sip with him.
"Show me her photo. I'm very curious about what kind of woman can hurt you so deeply and make you, a prodigal son who never looks back, look back again and again."
p>Chen Zhen complied with my request and took out a yellowed photo from his arms. It showed the face of a woman. She was smiling. Chen Zhen was standing next to her, with a childish look on his face, and a little bit... Ashamed and blushing, he is nothing like the Chen Zhen who is now locked in love. It seems that this woman really hurt him too deeply. This is another sad story. I looked away from the photo with some regret. Moving away, it is really a pity that Chen Zhen and her are separated. I can't help but feel sorry for their separation.
The reason why I don’t want to stay is that I’m afraid that I will think of Gu Wei again. The first photo of me and her was also awkward when we took it. I also blushed and was ashamed. Suddenly I felt that the changes of time were... Something sharper than a butcher's knife.
We all change because of the years, and we all grow because of the years. The years give us the world of adults, their composure, and their scheming. At the same time, they will also plunder the innocence in us and rob us of our innocence. When our childishness is blown away, we will unknowingly step into a place that we are not willing to reach in these years, but what will we be like at that time? Instead of the joy of arriving at the destination, I lit up a cigarette that I didn't want to smoke as a child, savoring the bitterness and stamina of the smoke.
When we were children, we squatted in front of the TV, watching "Bear Bears" which was played only at 10:00 every day. After 9 o'clock, we slowly and gently turned off the TV and settled down. As I fall asleep, I look forward to what kind of excitement the next children's channel will bring...
Human growth is destined to gain and sacrifice, sometimes heartbreaking, sometimes smiling.
Chen Zhen is still obsessed with the woman in the photo. He is probably recalling the past and every moment between them. I have a hunch that their love story is no worse than Gu Wei and I. Although Chen Zhen His love was sealed and his heart locked, but he still had the vigor of youth as a young man. Just like I once ran off the highway for Gu Wei, he must have done some upright things for that girl.
"At that time, I was just a street gangster playing music, with only a few listeners. I grabbed a handful of music from the second-hand market.I came with a broken guitar, and then wrote and sang my own songs. But every time I sang, she was in the audience. She would applaud every time and leave some money. I just regarded music as a hobby, and she gave I wanted to pay back the money every time, but she avoided me. Gradually, we started dating. She accompanied me and funded my hobbies and dreams. At that time, we felt that no one in the world could separate us. something! "
Chen Zhen's tone changed from affectionate to passionate, and then his eyes turned red, with residual tears hanging in his eyes, crystal clear.
"But as time went by, I discovered , we couldn’t even have three meals a day, and I played street music, but no one would listen to it. At that time, I was considered a lunatic in their eyes, not doing my job properly, but she still went through hardships with me and stayed in a rented house with me. I understood at that time , all love must be based on material foundation, and those sincere and ideal loves will also deteriorate over time and will not last long. I made a decision for a long time at that time. In order to prevent her from suffering and being burdened with me, I finally mustered up the courage to ask her for help. She proposed breaking up. She was still young at the time. It was better to leave me and go with someone else so as not to waste her youth. But she saw through my lies and wanted to follow me life and death. I avoided her everywhere, but she always found her. I, in order to make her give up, I..."
At this point, his tears flowed silently, his voice became more choked, and he said intermittently in his mature voice: " I hired a trustee myself... in front of her... so what, she is a very good girl, and I let her down. "
I couldn't help but be shocked when I heard this. I had mixed feelings in my heart, and then I took a sip of wine.
"I later left the south and came to Shanghai. "
I nodded slightly, took out a cigarette from the cigarette case, took it in my mouth, and handed one to Chen Zhen. Only men can understand the pain and sadness of men. The comfort between men, You don't need a lot of sweet words, just a cigarette and a glass of wine, as long as he treats you as a brother.
He took the cigarette and held it in his mouth. I took out the lighter and lit the flame. I lit a fire for him, but he didn't wipe away his tears, letting them fall. The dusk-like firelight reflected on his face, illuminating all his tears into the morning sun.
I gave myself to myself. Lighting the fire, both parties took a deep breath. One felt deep sympathy because it touched his heart, and the other felt sad for losing his favorite girl because of his kindness.
After being silent for a long time, I asked gently: "Then do you regret it? "
He shook his head gently and said firmly: "I have no regrets. ”
I hope we can all find our own piece of sky in this drunken night.